What Does It Mean to Love?
by OmoideKeeper
Summary: Ren thinks about Horohoro and what the words Horohoro whispered in the darkness of the night really mean...R&R!!


What Does It Mean To Love?

By OmoideKeeper

* * *

What does it mean to love? The question pounded through Ren's mind, his eyes wandering around. He knew he should be paying attention to the Shaman Fight going on below him, after all, he owed that much to Yoh, but something else caught his attention and would not let it go for any purpose, no matter how much he wanted to concentrate on Yoh's fight. Something which could not be put off any longer had surfaced in his mind. 

Tao Ren was not someone who would just ignore his fears. He would face them boldly, and beat them down as if they were mere shadows to be thrust away by the shining light of his mind and thoughts. So, why then was he so worried about this one little thing? It wasn't even that big of a deal, it was a simple incident which wouldn't leave him alone. 

Damn Horohoro, the thought reached Ren's mind, and he could almost imagine the grin which would be the retort to his saying that aloud. The ice Shaman would simply smile at him in that nearly annoying, but altogether too sweet to be so, way, and ask him what he'd done to be allotted the honor of being damned this time. The words which would fall from those sweet lips would be a teasing remark, a simple smile taking away all harshness of them. 

But it was Horohoro's words of the night before which brought such a shiver to Ren at the moment. 

Words whispered in the heat of passion sometimes had little or no meaning, sometimes were imagined by one or both sides of it, but somehow Ren knew he hadn't imagined the words Horohoro had sighed last night in the darkness after they'd both given all of themselves to each other. Either the other Shaman had said them, or Ren had managed for one glorious instant to read into Horohoro's soul, and neither way was particularly suited to his thoughts at the moment. 

"_I love you..._" 

But what was love? And if love was all that people claimed it was, how could Horohoro say he loved Ren of all people? His love was better suited to someone who would be able to return it, someone who wouldn't be so cold to him. Ha. Ice was better suited to Ren than Horohoro. It was too cold an element for the beautiful other, yet none would suit Horohoro better. 

"_I love you, Ren..._" 

Was it fair to keep Horohoro's love? When someone said they loved you, shouldn't you be able to reply that you loved them as well? Shouldn't you be able to feel so complete with them that you have no problem returning the love they give to you? Even if they don't expect anything in return, aren't you sort of expected to give it back? 

Wasn't that what was supposed to happen? 

Damn Horohoro. 

The icy Shaman had stolen Ren's heart from the moment they'd met, even though being civil to one another hadn't exactly been a priority. Something about the way Horohoro had carried himself, the way he'd touched upon the frozen heart hidden within Ren's soul, had cracked part of the mask Ren held to his face to hide his lack of understanding. 

And now Horohoro said he loved him. 

What the hell was he supposed to do? It wasn't as if there was a manual he could sit down and read to find out what to do next, there was no one there to guide him in this. He had nothing to strive for, had no way to combat this. There was nothing he could do to make it all feel right again, but at the same time he relished the fact that there wasn't anything to do. 

He was at a point where he could choose to jump into the world, allow his instincts to rule him instead of always going towards that goal of becoming Shaman King, both for his family and for himself. However, being at the edge made him begin to doubt. What if he went in, and became lost, could never find his way back again? What would happen if Horohoro left after Ren had sacrificed everything he held dear, and allowed Horohoro to rule him in that small way? Could Ren stand the pain of being rejected if he dared to whisper the words he felt in his soul? 

He didn't know. 

What does it mean to love? Is it that complete surrender of the soul? Is it the trust you give someone when they hold your heart and soul in their hands and can crush it in an instant? Is it the pain you feel when you watch them, wanting only to hold them close and hear your name whispered, falling from those perfect lips? Is it seeing the light play across their face and having a jolt of pain brush through you as you realize how lucky you are to even know them, as you realize what would happen if they left you? Is it the fear that you will never be able to give them what they want? Is it the hope that they will one day realize exactly what they mean to you without you having to say a word? 

Ren leaned over, whispering into Horohoro's perfectly shaped ear, smiling a little as the words finally passed his lips, "I love you too, Horo-chan." 


End file.
